Winning: The Unforgiving Race to Greatness by Tim S. Grover is more than just a book. It’s a brutal and honest manifesto for elite performance. It’s not dressed up in motivational clichés or Instagram quotes. It’s cold. It’s real. And it cuts deep.

Grover, who trained legends like Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, doesn’t romanticize winning. He exposes it. Over time, I’ve realized not everything in the book can or should be applied blindly. But some core principles have resonated with me. It shaped me.

This isn’t a summary of the entire book.
This is a deep dive into the lessons that hit me the hardest — the ones I now live by.

Over time, I’ve realized that not everything can or should be applied, but some key takeaways have truly resonated with me. To save you time, you might be interested in the biggest learning I’ve taken away from the hours I’ve put in. (I won’t cover everything – Only some key concepts that I related to)

Relentless

“You don’t negotiate with winning. You don’t try to balance it. You become it — or you don’t.“

Grover doesn’t treat winning like a goal.
It’s not a trophy, a stat, or a dream.
It’s an identity. A lifestyle. A relentless force that doesn’t care about your excuses, feelings, or failures.

I won’t unpack all 13 rules to winning.
Just a few that resonated with me deeply and those that i will carry forward into the future, in everything i do.

Be different, different scares people

“Being different scares people. That’s why most settle for average”

This one felt close to the heart for me. Since being a coach in the CDL, i was always looked at as the outsider. The non-pro. The one with these dumb ideas because i wasn’t a high-level pro esports player. The one who’s ideas aren’t valid because i didn’t win as a player – completely different person when i competed till now.

But let me tell you, different is where progress lives.

“Work out on game days? You’ll screw up his shot! He’ll be fatigued! He’ll be less athletic“

Tim Grover introduced new concepts against the norm of the then current NBA eco-system. He setup a schedule with Michael Jordan that had him training on match days. Completely unheard of at that time! Daily workouts were not the norm in the NBA.

That’s what it means to be different. MJ’s game elevated, so did his physical intensity for every opponent. He wanted and needed more, which meant being different. Everyone wanted to be like Jordan but, Jordan didn’t want to be like anyone else.

Ultimately, it comes down to the difference in knowing how to think being told what to think. If you always follow the veterans, the household names, the “this is how it’s done” crowd… innovation dies. Progress stalls. Think of every single sport, from inception to how it is now, there have been major changes. Changes that the previous cohort would laugh and ridicule – which then becomes the norm. That’s how you keep raising the roof.

Tim highlights that winners engage their mind and experiences to create a new level of greatness. It’s why i have huge admiration and respect for players like Killa and Phizzurp, they were always trying to innovate and find creative ways to push the norm. I used to sit for hours watching Phiz SND nade spots, or pre-firing cuts with a crossbow on a particular time. Think of your players like Illey. Innovators and ground breakers.

Think about NYSL, think about the whole Astralis vibe the community (intentional culture) would praise, it took guts and courage to try a different way or innovative way of thinking. Every walk of life has this! Bill Gates checking every line of cod, Bezos shipping books out of his garage. Elon Musk trying to get on Mars.

“Don’t see a box, see possibilities and use your own decision making, success and failures to springboard your thinking and results”

If you follow the text book, you’ll do it the normal way. Follow the textbook, and you’ll be average.

Truly committing to winning sets you apart. You act differently, think differently, train differently.

Most people don’t understand obsession, and that makes them uncomfortable around it.

Grover says, as you rise, you’ll notice people distance themselves or try to pull you back into “normal.”

You’re going to outgrow people, outgrow ideas and outgrow expectation. The price of being different will be isolation. It will be ridicule, it will be negative feedback. People will call you arrogant, selfish, or crazy — but that’s the price for being uncommon.

I ask you reading:

1. When have you dimmed your lights to make other people feel comfortable
2. What part of your identity are you hiding to fit in?

The Battlefield Is In Your Mind

“Your mind is the first and last battleground. Everything starts with internal belief, focus, and resilience.”

One of the consistent traits between the top COD players – the one thing i worked together with HyDra – was winning the battlefield in your mind. All these guys have the unwavering belief, unwavering confidence, unwavering resilience to deal with the process. That’s the foundation to springboard to success. I’ve been asked how did we pull ourselves out of T12s and T8s into winning champs or Majors? It starts with your mental skills before you load up into the map.

“Winning is 90% mental — and those who don’t train the mind lose, even if they’re physically gifted”

Grover showed that even the Kobe’s and Jordan’s felt fear. Don’t believe people who said they don’t have fears, or are fearless They just didn’t let it own them. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a 12-bedroom mansion, or a friends couch. Your biggest enemy is you! It knows all of your weaknesses and fears and it will never stop using it against you.

Winning fills your head with a minefield of ideas, warnings and questions and explodes them all at once. Adrenaline, anger, fear, anxiety, stress, insecurity, doubt, envy.

There are labels on these bombs. You can’t win. You won’t win. You don’t belong. Everyone is laughing at you. You look ridiculous. This is too much. Fuck those people.

Some not so harsh. You should take the day off. You work too hard. You’re better than others. They have no chance. You’ve already won. You should relax.

Grover says, that winners detect those bombs. How many of them have you experienced? I’ve experienced and still experience all of them.

“It doesn’t matter how much talent and skill you have, what plans you have, what dreams you envision or what promises you’ve made. If you can’t dominate the mental battlefield, you will NEVER win.”

This is what i see studying the guys who win in any esports or sports. This is your space, and your territory, own it. Dominate it.

Are you able to extract those explosives? Are you aware of your distractions, your insecurities, and false beliefs? This is the limiting factor for a lot of talented players in winning or getting to where they dream.

That is what separated the likes of Kobe and Jordan. They face failure, losses, criticism from the flank, the negative commentary from press and social media. These guys have the stark ability to win those mental battles. To shut them down, to move on to the next fight.

I truly didn’t realise how difficult it was to not roast an NPC on social media. To let comments of billlybob76 on X get to me. These guys don’t let it sweat them. I’m learning to do the same. This is one aspect of the mental battlefield.

“If you decide something is a problem then it will be a problem.”

When you lose or fail, you can step on the mine that says “LOSER” or you can navigate yourself to a better place, to then gain clarity to plan your next move. A solution focused approach.

Another example Tim Grover uses:

What thoughts dance into your head when you can finally hear yourself think?

• Did i get enough done?
• Could of i worked harder?
• Can i do this?

They are thoughts which can trigger disaster – fear of failure. However, for your Kobe’s and Jordan’s they are the blueprint for improvement.

• Did i get this right?
• Can i do better?
• I know what to do, i need to make it happen.

Use and inspect those bombs, help it move you forward.

Kobe would not rest until he made a shot, he’d be playing that moment in his head, over and over. Watching film at 4 AM. Until he understood why he missed that shot. What was going on with the defence? Where was the ball? Did it rotate correctly? Was it wet? Was it heavy?

“Everything starts with your own thoughts.”

How many times did you sabotage your own goals and ambitions?

You want to lose weight but, that pizza looks good? You want to quit smoking but, one won’t hurt? You want to be the best COD player but, I’ll do VOD tomorrow? I’ll work on this nade spot next week. Next week comes, something else pops up.

You’re just not prepared to take these battles, never mind win .

The best players I’ve coached don’t wish to win.
They make it happen.

But I’ve also seen top-tier talent fall. Why?
They bought into their own hype.
Forgot what got them there.
They lost the war in their head.

After Major 1 2023, we got complacent.
Went from champions to bottom-tier.
It wasn’t talent. It was mindset.

It’s always mental.

It can happen to anyone, in any endeavor. From business leaders and entrepreneurs. You don’t suddenly forget to execute. Something else got in the way. You don’t win events to then getting last without something mental getting in the way. We went from winning Major 1 to losing at Major 2. Brilliant teams, brilliant talents completely destroyed by their mental bomb shelters. It’s ALWAYS something mental. It manifests into the day to day.

“Get the results and the brand will build itself. Play it the other way around and your career will be dead before your shoe deal expires”

Are you winning your own war?

Winning has a million ways to stop you. Distractions, laziness, ego. Especially if you don’t have the resilience to fight back.

How well do you deal with distractions?

No ability to filter and manage issues with friends and family, addictions, Pokémon, financial problems, gambling, relationships, health, legal issues. I’m sure you can name a COD player for each one.

That’s a reason for that person to not get across the finish line. Give your time to everything and anyone except to winning. These internal distractions. This is your own mental battlefield.

If you don’t manage distractions, they can be fatal to your goals.

Routines are key for this. Routines are freedom if used correctly. You execute, you move on, done, next.

Jordan scheduled every detail: the car, the meal, the clothes.
Not to be robotic — to be free.

Every detail of his day. Time of his workout, the car he drove to the game, his clothes, ate at the same time. Everything had a purpose and discipline to it. Crimsix and HyDra are the same. They must do this, at that time. Not to this extent but, you are seeing the power of routines.

Jordan practised and played in a routine before game day. Crimsix and HyDra do the same thing. Basics, fundamentals. Routine. IF you can’t master the fundamentals, you can’t master anything else. Things you DON’T think about in game. Things you do NATURALLY.

Why are routines so important?

He knew the games themselves were unpredictable. Not uncontrollable, unpredictable. You can’t control the unpredictable when everything else is a mess. Your routine allows for mental freedom and clarity to focus on what’s important – winning.

Your routine should remove decisions, not add to them.
The mind is for creating, not choosing between 500 options.

I ask you:

What routines are holding you back? What can you eliminate today?

Winning is the ultimate gamble on yourself.

“You must bet on yourself when no one else will — and do it over and over.”

Grover mentions a big difference between Kobe and MJ.

Kobe worked harder than MJ. MJ worked smarter.

Kobe never stopped. HE questioned everything there was to question, what we call a growth mindset. He wanted to know the why and how in everything. He didn’t always want to be there but, he did the work anyway.

I see Kobe in a couple players I’ve worked with. Grover mentions that he had this drive in watching VOD. He was obsessed with it. He’d dissect a play, over and over. How he could make it better. Kobe carried a DVD player everywhere he went, in order to watch as much as he could. Most nights, Kobe would watch VOD from 2 AM to 4 AM. I know a couple players that do the same – you can guess who.

It’s ironic because in esports, especially eastern culture, it’s always about more-more-more. Go-go-go.

The most challenging issue Grover had with Kobe is getting him to stop.

Winning needs you to occasionally stop, land, listen, see, smell, learn and understand. That’s where journalling was such a huge difference to me since getting in the league. An element of self-awareness development.

IF all you do is go, you will run right past winning – as Grover put it. MJ knew when to stop. FEEL what is working for you. What both players had in common according to Grover was that both players had this unwavering confidence in what they were doing. They never doubted themselves or their outcomes.

MJ ignored all the critics and skeptics when he retired from basketball to try baseball. To then come back to basketball two years later, when everyone was dog piling him. Saying he could not do XYZ.

HE ended up winning 3 more championships.

His belief in his ability was so powerful, he never doubted the outcome. WAY before he received the accolades and accomplishments to back it. It requires a certain element of delusion to feel that way. See it, you can do it.

Kobe was the same. When he skipped college to go right into the NBA. Won 3 championships with Shaq. Everyone saying he can’t win without Shaq. Ended up winning twice more without him. Played through injuries, learnt 5 languages. Went into the entertainment industry, won an Oscar in that.

Both bet on themselves. Bet on yourself. Believe it.

Don’t be the assistant manager in your own life. Don’t wait for approval or direction from higher authority to validate what you feel. Just because you lack the confidence to make your own decisions and take action on your own. Confidence is the ultimate drug.

Either you feel it deep in your guy and bring it out, or you don’t

Even the greats have humiliating moments that defined their level of confidence, and make them decide between losing and winning.

MJ was being cut from high school basketball. Tom Brady was the 199th pick in the NFL draft. Kobe had the famous airball game during the 1997 playoffs. Scottie Pippen began his freshman season as the equipment manager. We all have that one thing. For me, it’s this LAG 6-24 season. None of us are safe from the sick sense of humor that winning shows.

Confidence comes in many ways, not in how we see ourselves but, how others see us.

“Confidence needs you to be a little crazy or delusional.“

Excellence is lonely, don’t stop. No one will understand what you went through to get to where you are. Many people are surprised about the story and path i had to take to even get to the CDL. Most people think i spawned up in here.

Grover says confident people are their own special breed of killer. People who have been broken, over and over. They become confident not because of what people tell them but, by being pushed down, kicked and laughed at. By learning how strong and powerful you really are.

Confidence is knowing that no matter how long things get, no matter how many people write you off or laugh at you or doubt your ability, you know you will recover stronger than before. Knowing you have work to do. Remember what happened, don’t let it affect your ability to move forward. Recover as quick as possible, losing is inevitable, learn from it and move forward. No slumping, no hiding. Admit it, own it and show the confidence it won’t happen again.

I sucked this year in 2025 LAG 6-25, I’m confident it won’t happen again. Admit it, own it, move forward.

You went 4-23? Own it, admit it, move forward (joking Tom)

Grover says, when you’ve been knocked down, have the patience to stay down and figure out how to get up. Don’t rush it. We’re all flawed, don’t hide it!

• Confident people don’t hide their flaws, laugh at them, let the flaws work for you
• Cfondience lets you hear the voices around you and in your own head, without responding and reacting
• Confidence gives you the grit to stand in the shadow of those more powerful than you and still retain your power
• Confidence is your ticket to freedom
• Confidence is about taking that chance, and never doubting the outcome.

You can’t win unless you gamble on yourself.

And you can’t gamble on yourself if you don’t believe in yourself.

Or believe you can win.

You best believe when I’m done, I’ll have 5 rings.

Set unrealistic goals, expect to achieve them. It doesn’t mean chasing unattainable dreams but make, smart, educated and confident decisions. Life is so short.

Taking a chance is embracing the darkness and that’s scary. Don’t visualize winning, you need to see, hear, smell, touch and taste it.

Where am I holding back from going all in?

If I went all in on my dream, what would I do differently tomorrow?

Winning wants all of you. There is no balance.

I know this is a bit of a controversial one specifically with COD esports.

Why would you want to go all in to win, when we don’t have a clear path to pro and so on. Well, this applies not just to COD. This applies to what ever you want to choose. When it comes to COD, I’d always argue for a Plan B. That is taking a smart, calculated and confident risk. Once you’re in, then you go all in.

Grover shares this

“If you’ve never felt that sick feeling of disappointing someone because you’re consumed with your own goals, you never experienced the intoxication of Winning”

Winning wants all of you, it doesn’t recognize love or sentiment. It’s something i learnt the hard way this year. Winning doesn’t care about your other responsibilities and commitments. You need to be obsessed or someone else will. Doesn’t matter what it is.

Well, what is obsession?

• It’s asking questions no one will ask.
• It’s working harder than your opponents.
• It means studying as much as you can.
• It means obsessing about the 0.001% improvements.

You know you can’t do what you want in life without that laser like focus. You can’t achieve balance in life. I felt that. I tried to do a 100 things, and when you do that, your focus is spread. You get sloppy, things fall through the crack. You end up doing a 100 things poorly, instead of 2 / 3 things to the best of your ability. This is obsession.

When you have the drive to achieve something that requires all your time, you won’t be able to create meaningful space for anything else. I don’t want to see that just because it’s COD, the same can’t happen here. It’s the fundamental aspect for anything in life. You name any esport, or any sport. The same concept. Obsession, getting rid of balance.

Obsession isn’t purely about the work you put in but, prioritizing that work. Feeling guilty, feeling selfish putting yourself first for that goal.

The more you pretend you can handle everything, and have it all, the less chance you will have anything at all.

You’re trapped in a room. With all these responsibilities and commitments which you hoard. It’s a mess of broken promises. Instead of focusing on that one things that can make a serious difference to your life and make you a inner, you want to focus on 500 other things. Time for everything equals time for nothing. And winning at nothing.

Winning wants all your time and attention, it needs to be on your mind 24/7. You need to be thinking about it, obssess over it.

Grover says, there is no balance for those who are commited to winning. Create the life on your own terms.

“Balance is an unforgiving tug-of-war. Dead center is average.”

The more you pretend you can handle everything, the more you lose.

Start subtracting:

• Pointless obligations
• Fake friendships
• Social media noise
• Stuff that steals your energy

Picture a scale:

• On one side, all your dreams, goals, wins.
• On the other, everything else.

Shift the scale.
Say “NO” more often.

Flex your IDGAF muscle — not for ego, but for clarity.

This is the muscle you flex when you need to make critical decisions based on winning or your goals. You don’t use this muscle in anger, or making an emotional decision. You use this when you make a decision that is best for you. That will help you WIN.

Do this: picture a scale. Winning on one side. All your dreams, goals and ambitions. On the other side, is everything else. Entertainment, vacation, relationships, obligations, commitment. The more you can delete and flex that IDGAF muscle, the more the scale shifts on one direction. For me over the past 5 years, i removed a bunch of obligations that took away from my routine in winning. That took away from watching VOD, studying, theory crafting, learning and so on.

Grover states, winning needs to dominate that scale. It’s your responsibility to be in charge of that scale and control it. It doesn’t mean you deprive yourself of what you need to perform at the highest level; gym, eating healthy, things that add to that.

With that being said, when you’re chasing obsession and a lack of balance.

The moments of sacrifice, you need to be present. Make sure it’s actually worth it. Put the phone down. Close the laptop. Use that time meaningfully. Make it worth their time for people to continue to invest in you.

Winners go through seasons of imbalance to achieve greatness.

Most people don’t lose because they’re incapable — they lose because they’re unwilling to sacrifice.

Am I willing to go “all in” and get uncomfortable for what I want?

What am I trying to hold onto that’s keeping me from winning?

Winning is everything.

We already know that winning requires hard work, commitment, leadership and team work. Ultimately, the most important aspect is this: For those truly committed, winning isn’t a “goal” — it’s identity.

You release real energy and real actions to winning. It won’t grow on it’s own. You need to take the risk and feel it!

Winning is everything.

It’s every day, in everything you do. It is everywhere. It won’t wait for you forever. Stop waiting for people to tell you what you can and can’t do. Stop watching other people win while you’re on the sidelines. Your turn is now!

If you want something, then go get it now.

Show urgency to win. Show the drive in doing something. You don’t have unlimited years or opportunities to actually do it. The sense of urgency in anything you do is the ultimate distinction between those who win and those who watch others win.

Grover says the “Got to have it now” spirit.

There’s always work to be done, have zero tolerance for those who don’t or wouldn’t do it. We don’t have time, you don’t have time.

Winners have one fear, and it isn’t winning or losing. It’s the lack of time. Your lack of time. My lack of time.

• Not enough days
• Not having everything in place
• Not accomplishing everything you dreamed of
• Not finishing

You need to finish everything, immediately. Ultimately, winning is immortality. It’s your legacy. It’s the culmination of what you’ve accomplished. What you’ve built, what you’ve contributed.

Do everything, experience everything. Embrace possibility. Find new ways to learn and think. Dance like nobodies watching, let go, do what you want and let loose. Not for anyone but yourself.

Winners wage war against being lazy, weak and unhappy, every day. Don’t lose belief in yourself.

• What is your daily campaign?
• How do you rebel against temptation?

Everyone who has finished something has one thing in common – the urge to quit.

We won’t win at everything, and that’s okay. But, if you don’t give up, you will win at something. Winning is everywhere. Don’t stop. Keep going. Everyday, keep going.

Is winning my true priority — or do I just like the idea of it?

What would it look like if I made winning everything?

Winning isn’t a gift. It’s not something you stumble into.
It’s the fire you choose to walk through — again and again — when no one’s watching, when the odds are against you, when every voice says to quit… and your own whispers louder than the rest.

It will take everything.
It will leave scars.
It will isolate you, test you, and burn down the version of you that once settled for “almost.”

But if you keep going — if you stay in the fire, if you stop asking for balance, and start living like winning is the only language you speak — it will rebuild you into something unshakable.

Not everyone will understand you.
They’re not supposed to.
Because you didn’t come this far to be understood.
You came to dominate.

So ask yourself:

👉 Are you interested in winning — or are you committed?
👉 What are you still negotiating with that’s keeping you soft?
👉 And most of all… what version of yourself must die so the champion in you can finally rise?

Starting today: no more balance. No more excuses. No more waiting.
You walk through hell, take what’s yours, and you don’t stop until the scoreboard reflects your standard.

Because for you…
Winning isn’t a result.
It’s who you are.

If you want to begin your journey,  I’d recommend the book here!

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