I read a lot of books. Throughout my journey, it has cursed me – I want to apply every learning practically.

Over time, I’ve realized that not everything can or should be applied, but some key takeaways have truly resonated with me. To save you time, you might be interested in the biggest learning I’ve taken away from the hours I’ve put in. (I won’t cover everything – Only some key concepts that I related to)

The High Cost of Conformity and How to Avoid It

As social creatures, we’re naturally inclined to follow the crowd. If someone takes a day off, you might feel tempted to do the same. If someone’s pessimistic, it’s easy to fall into that mindset too. But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the power of going against the grain.

Have the courage to make choices that differ from others. When everyone else is being messy, choose to be clean. When everyone’s following the norm, dare to be unique. As a leader or someone in a position of responsibility, you’ll face moments in your career where you’ll be tested. In those times, it’s crucial to stand up for what you believe in, whether it’s a direction, goal, or outcome. I’ll admit, it’s not always easy. I’ve struggled with this myself, especially in my career. It’s scary to do things differently, but it’s tied to your self-confidence.

Have the courage to take the path less traveled, even if it means facing ridicule or criticism. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to care less about the opinions of those who don’t matter. We all have one life—don’t waste it on trivial things.

Meditation is key

Staying steady, balanced, and strong is vital, and I’ve found that meditation is key to achieving this. It helps me connect with my true self and continues to build my self-awareness.

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had is that feeling angry doesn’t make you an angry person. You are not your emotions. Meditation allows me to observe my emotions without being consumed by them. (I’m not perfect—I still lose my temper at times.) But the ability to control how you act, regardless of how you feel, is true strength. As the Navy Seals say, “The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men.” Who wouldn’t want to embody that level of discipline and control?

Embrace Your Shadow

None of us want to become what we despise.

I’ve made a conscious decision not to develop a god complex, not to be a know-it-all, and not to feel like I’m always right. I avoid backbiting, gossiping, or causing trouble. You’ll meet people who crave the spotlight, and that’s okay—but it’s not for me. I want to be comfortable not having it (ironic, I know, as I write this). Often, this craving for attention is a projection of insecurity.

I’ve found that building trust in relationships is far more fulfilling. When I commit to something, I follow through, and that consistency builds trust.

Reading countless books on culture creation or management might make you think it’s all about winning, but that’s not the whole picture. Bill Walsh (Head coach of the San Francisco 49ers and at Stanford University, whose career spanned from 1931–2007), emphasized that life isn’t just about achievements. Achievements can leave you feeling hollow. Life is about much more than that, and it’s up to you to figure out what truly matters.

Be clear on hearing the truth!

Being clear on hearing the truth is essential. This means being open to honest feedback and showing humility. It’s easier said than done, but it’s incredibly valuable. Focus on the future—what can be done better moving forward? Don’t just ask for feedback once; make it a regular habit to uncover blind spots. Listen without judgment.

I’ve built walls to defend myself from feedback many times, but I’ve learned that self-compassion is crucial. Be kind to yourself, and always think positively about yourself.

Finding Clarity

When you’re looking to make changes, list everything you want to improve. Then, identify one key point that can be applied to everything on that list. Is it slowing down? Being more aggressive? More disciplined? Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of becoming yourself.

I’ve experienced my fair share of identity crises over the years. Remember, it’s important to live life according to your core values and beliefs. That’s how I’ve found fulfillment. It might sound odd, but during the Call of Duty (COD) season, I set a target for how many times I wanted to laugh each day. If you don’t laugh, you lose yourself and your confidence. I even had a ritual for clocking in and out of work.

Be Strategic and Intentional

We all have a limited amount of energy each day. It’s important to notice where yours is going—not just in your work, but in all areas of life: socially, mentally, physically. Where do you spend your energy? On your phone? Email? Conversations? What drains you, and what energizes you?

During the COD season, I kept a spreadsheet where I tracked my energy levels every hour—colored with green, yellow, and red. I noted what activities gave me energy and what took it away. Knowing what matters to you, what brings you joy, and what you enjoy doing is crucial. Plan your energy investments accordingly.

Schedule as many positive, energy-boosting actions into your day as possible. Hit the gym, spend time with people you like, and avoid those who drain you. It’s as simple as that. I used my mental energy to learn new things. On the flip side, avoid wasting energy on negative activities like gossiping or complaining. And here’s a funny thing: Don’t spend too much time thinking about energy. Don’t try too hard—just be mindful and intentional with how you spend your time and energy.

This is a great first step into learning about leadership and ultimately about yourself. Even if you don’t want to manage or lead, there is plenty to take away to change your perspective on emotional intelligence. If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend this book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37705093-leading-with-emotional-courage

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